Stop the insanity, truly
For my unabashed geek friends...
Today I learned to hate the toy industry.
Showing its willingness to squeeze every possible dollar out of the American public, the industry and Hasbro in particular has released new items this holiday season that have left me wishing I'd never learned how to open a web browser. For in that browser today I saw this: Star Wars characters made into Transformers.
I kid you not.
Witness this monstrosity:
What is that? I'll tell you what it's not. It sure as hell is not Han Solo.And this:
What's that? It sure as hell better not be Chewbacca with some weird radial pattern over his crotch.No, it gets better. Do a little origami on these two abominations of engineering and you get something that resembles the Millenium Falcon:
Yes, Han Solo and Chewbacca combine to form the Millenium Falcon. What do they do all day while locked in this lovers' embrace? I hate to be all Texan about it, but sorry, pardner: Han Solo and Chewbacca do not and should not have any more contact than is necessary to punch each other in the shoulder (1).Another disturbing issue is that included in the box come "Han Solo and Chewbacca miniature pilot figures". Think about it: they get in themselves to pilot themselves. I haven't been this freaked out since I learned about the Enlightenment idea of the homunculus, the "little man" that gets carried around in spermatazoa. Or, to put it another way, the little you inside of you (2).
But beyond these ideas, I'm also just plain inclined to agree with the Amazon reviewer who called these toys a "chick repeller". It's hard to imagine how $35 could drive away anyone bearing XX chromosomes faster, your mother and aunts included.
So this Black Friday let's band together, you and I, and let our voices be heard. No more toy mashups!
Footnotes
1. The exception being after Han Solo gets tortured when he nearly collapses and Chewbacca catches him
2. Check out the Family Guy episode "Emission Impossible" for an illustration of the homunculus idea compliments of Stewie Griffin.
posted by stewchang @ 3:14 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I was JUST making fun of this same toy!
A whole post to devoted to Star Wars toys? I'm sorry but this guy has you beat, though not by much. :)
It's not the mashing up that turns me off, it's the fact that most "transformer" like toys on the market kind of suck. They're not nearly detailed enough to warrant being true transformers. You can kind of see that these toys are all blocky and don't have much detailed movement. Even a 3 year old can assemble that Falcon. For true fans of female-repellents I would recommend a replica model. They're much more fun to make and don't involve any uncomfortable and philosophically involved bastardizations of your favorite characters.
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