Detroit techno survival guide

Some nights you go out, have a drink and get home at 1 or 2 a.m.

Other nights you drive out to Detroit, dance to techno until 2 a.m., go to the after-party, dance to more techno until 5:30 a.m. and finally make it home some time after 6 a.m.

Tonight I had the latter.

But before you all start worrying, let me reassure you: I am a professional. And as a public service to all who might want to indulge in this Detroit specialty, let me share some advice.

Like any day trip, a night trip to Detroit requires some preparation. In fact I have a checklist I use everytime I go. You might want to print this out for future reference.

In a dark-colored backpack or satchel of some kind (more on this later), pack the following:

• Ear plugs

These help you get through 6-8 hours of otherwise ear-bleeding decibal levels. Don't worry -- you'll hear the beat just fine, and you can always take them out to hear tracks (or people you like) in full volume.

• Bottled water

A must because water isn't always free at these places. You're bound to get thirsty at some point, especially if you're dancing the whole time, and you'll be glad to have a few bottles of water stashed in the car.

• Food (protein, carbohydrate)

Great at 2 a.m. in the transition between rounds. Keep it high-quality too -- you don't want to get bogged down from high-fat, high-sodium fast food garbage. I go with hard-boiled eggs and cereal.

• Hand sanitizer

This clear, ethanol-based goo allows you eat or drink in your car without fear of disease. The places you're going to are inheritors of raver culture and not always, ahem, hygenic so a little self-defense against the microbes is a good idea.

• Contact lens solution, contact lens case, and spare eyeglasses

Hours of exposure to cigarette smoke can make for watery eyes and an unpleasant drive home. (This is Detroit, after all, not New York.) Getting out of your contacts can help.

• Analgesic of some kind (Tylenol, etc.)

Handy for the drive home if you find the music, smoke, and late hour have conspired to turn your brain on itself.

The dark-colored backpack allows you to stash all your items on the floor of your car without drawing attention from passersby. Some of these places are not in the best parts of Detroit, and a little discretion can go a long way to making your old beater less attractive than the shiny BMW parked a few spaces away.

Speaking of cars, obviously you'll want to make sure that yours is in good condition with a full tank of gas. A street map of Detroit can be a godsend in case you get lost, say, on the way to the rumored after-party. If you do need to consult the map, do so at stop lights without turning on your interior light. And lock your doors.

The implied scariness notwithstanding, I've had great experiences in the birthplace of techno. While a lot of cities chase the flavor-of-the-minute -- I hear Reggaeton is popular right now -- Detroit sticks to its guns (no pun intended). Follow a few simple guidelines, and I'm sure you'll be a fan of music in the "D" too.

P.S. To the Euro-looking guy with the up-turned collar and long greasy hair who crowded into my space around 3 a.m. at The Works: Yeah, I was making fun of you when I said "This reminds me of the time I was in Ibiza! And Mallorca was just like this!"